Home from Work.

It is nearly 3am in the morning and finally at home. Actually been home for maybe 30 minutes...walk in, talk to the cats...give them a "treat"...while my snack is heating up in the microwave.

Eat my snack as I am checking my auctions in WoW and reposting. Talk to Jay in vent and say my good nights.

Augh. The alarm at 8am is going to hurt, but keep reminding myself that school is nearly done for K. Three more days of this.

Next week I will be working a day shift. This should be interesting. My peeps will have to fend for themselves. It is good on them.

Tonight I just didn't want to deal with Stupid and that is all I got it seemed. Anyway...I don't wish to revisit it...I do want to sleep at some point.


Good night.

205.6 is not where I want to be.

I have put back on the pounds that I got rid of. This needs to be reversed.

Healthier Paleo eating, more movement is in my future.

The Cycle Starts Again.

Tis 8:30am and I must take my daughter to school.

I didn't sleep so well, but at least fell asleep before 4am for once I think.

Will come back home in approximately 1 hour and attempt a nap.

Must be up and going by 2pm to pick her up again.

Then get ready for work to leave home again by 4pm.

In that time I also have to do a couple of errands, and sneak in time to see Bf.



Dot.

Life.

I wish Life was a little easier lately.

I haven't slept well in a very long time. I tend to fall asleep between 5-6am. The problem is that I have to be up at 8am everyday for another couple of weeks due to my daughter and school.

I get home from taking her to school...to attempt to fall asleep again...to wake up in time to pick her up again.

I have been living on naps and they have finally caught up with me.

I work 4:30pm till sometimes 2am.

This is becoming a vicious cycle.


On top of that, I have a boyfriend and an ex-husband who I am friends with. I have my youngest daughter living with me (16). My middle child moved back home along with his girlfriend (he just turned 20 and she is 18). My oldest child lives in another province since she graduated at age 17....she will be 22 in September.


All these people, plus my work peeps (which consumes a lot of my time) seem at times to take advantage in small ways...some don't realize that I know how they are doing it....passive aggressiveness is a pet peeve of mine.

I feel guilty when I take time for myself. I spread myself thin all the time.

Tonight I had a talk with ex when he popped in unannounced (bf was here about to start watching a movie). My ex has no use or nice words to say about bf. All the information he got about him was from other people who knew him 10+ years ago. I know he wasn't in a good place back then, and he has worked to get to a better place.

Yes, there are some things I wish the bf would do to get to an even better place. He needs to stop looking back in the past and base all future experiences on that. He needs more motivation and be a touch more aggressive in certain things...and not so stubborn in others.

I am not a motivator. I can give you the tools, but I can't push you. If you are not ready, it will be just a waste of my time....which is precious as it is already.

I wish many things from all the people in my Life...as I am sure they do of me.

Ex - less controlling, don't always use money as a leverage (as he has thru out the marriage)

Bf - Get out of the house and look for something to do...quit thinking someone is going to give it to you. Quit hiding. Less Stubborn. Don't worry what other people think.

K - Stay more focused.

W - Learn to take charge and start experiencing Life. Make yourself happy first...instead of hoping a person will do it instead.

D - Figure out what you want to do....You can only take courses for so long. You are a smart child.

Ky - Embrace the fact that you are loved. You may not be my child but you are still part of the family.

My Peeps at Work - Stand on your own feet. Take charge and not be afraid to fail. It is the only way you are going to learn.



And for Myself:
-Respect myself more.
-Take more control.
-Embrace my quirks.
-Be happy with me.
-Be less trying to please others.
-Don't feel guilty when I want time alone...which is unfortunately a lot of the time.
                  ** Rarely alone - even when I sleep (2 cats hog the bed).

-I am an Introvert. This is not a bad thing.
-Take time to get my own stuff done before worrying about everyone else's stuff. I am so far behind I don't know where to start anymore.

-Do one thing a day of my stuff.


Augh, just saw the time. I have to stop this so that I can get some sleep.

Till the next time.

Dot.